September 6, 2013

Dear Sage,

You have teeth now.  5 to be exact.  Still, however, clueless about what good they can do.  Chewing is  clearly a concept you have yet to understand.  When we feed you oatmeal, which is as brave as we get to feeding you something that is not strained to death, the oats just hang around the sides of your mouth which really should make you gross but really just makes you adorable.

You expect an applause now every time you are able to do things.  Every time  we are able to align our index fingers, every time  you are able to switch the light on or off (with the help of papa of course), and every time you take in a spoonful of food, you look at me proudly and wait for my applause.  And when it comes, you squeal and join in, always looking like you’re about to burst in ecstasy. 

So far you are quite a happy kid, easy to warm up.  When you see new faces, you are quiet for about 30 minutes, assessing, I’d like to think, their auras.  Then when you’re ready, we hear you, we see you, we feel you.  You are quite the experience.  As tita Riya said “Walang sinabi si Maring sayo.”

But on the other side of the oh so happy disposition is a temper not shy at all to show itself.  That, you get from your dad.  Or my dad.  Basta not from me.  You’re a little impatient too when you don’t get your way.  It’s cute now and papa and I laugh every time you  throw a fit.  But let’s work on that when it stops being cute.  Not for us, for you.  I know a lot of patient people and I know a lot of impatient people and the patient ones seem more zen and chill and happy.  

I love you.

Mama

May 13, 2013

My dearest Solana,

When you were still a resident in my belly, I dreamt of the day when I would be able to go around with you outside me and introduce you to everyone as my creation.  I already saw myself pointing to you and announcing “See that! I made that!”  Your father and I would carefully and thoroughly discuss all the things that we wanted to teach you and all the ways that we wanted to raise you so that you would become a person of substance and a woman of grace. 

But as I start to get to know you, I realize more and more that you are not mine to own or mould.  Already you are showing signs of a personality I didn’t think someone who only came into this world 6 months ago could have.  And while I recognize bits and pieces of myself and your papa in you, you are already mostly you, which is now the only thing I will ever want you to be. 

If I ever forget in the future, as I most likely will, remind me please, and again and again if necessary, that you are not mine to own or mould.  If you want to experiment on an outfit or a hairstyle that I think is hideous, if you choose to believe in an ideology that makes no sense to me, if you should ever fall in love with a boy who is way beneath your league, or if, God forbid, you start rooting for the Lakers, look me in the eye and tell me gently please “Mama, I know you love me and you want only the best for me but I am not yours to own and mould.”

I, on the other hand, am yours anak.   Absolutely and forever.  How's that for irony?

Your papa and I realized the first time we held you in our arms that nothing in our lives would ever come first again. It is unbelievable how quickly and how willingly we became a cliche.  So yes, I will be THAT kind of mom.  The kind of mom who wont sit still until you are home safe and tucked in your bed at night. The kind who will desperately try to fit in your life even if it means listening to annoyingly loud teenage music.  And of course, the kind who will cry the ugly cry at birthday parties and graduations and probably practically every little thing that makes her realize that you are growing up.

I will be that kind of mom. That is a fact.  Please learn to deal with it as quickly as possible to avoid any unnecessary drama that you might be drawn to in your tweens.  

Yesterday was my first ever mother’s day.  You did not know that of course and you were too into your hands to realize how much that day meant to me.  You were not able to greet me, at least not in a language I understood.  Nor did you buy me any gifts.  But when I woke up that morning, I found you already awake, quietly observing the ceiling.  When you heard me stir, you looked at me and gave me the warmest and sincerest smile I’ve ever seen on anyones face. 

That was enough.  That will always be enough. 

Thank you.

Love, 

Mama

I AM SOLANAMOMMA

I am sure I am other things too.  But in this blog, I am this.  I am only this.